I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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