Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
