It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
