i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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