no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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