I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
