Sry I called you an 8
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
