remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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