He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
