So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize