paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
