she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm always down for nudity.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize