If that was your dad, he is hot
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
