as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
