you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
