So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
