I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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