she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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