I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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