Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
