Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
