naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
