I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
