12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
