I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize