If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.