does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream