Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.