So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt