i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.