im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
