if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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