i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
