I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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