Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
As shirtless as possible
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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