you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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