walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
