Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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