I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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