i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
