what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
did i just pee glitter
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
