You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
