My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
