Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
