I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
