I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
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