So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize