i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
