My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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