I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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