Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
