i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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