Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
