Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
