please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
