Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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