Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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