god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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