It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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