You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
