so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
