I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
