I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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