look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
