just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The air was thick with penises
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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