I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
this hospital has no fireball
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
