So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
not ubering you a puppy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
