I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wear drunk well.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
