oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
