Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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