I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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