This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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